fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Operation Purity has been aborted
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
