A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
