The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
