Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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