Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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