I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
