i already hear my dad disowning me
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
