He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
where are you?
Hypothermia
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
