Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
