It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
