The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
