are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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