so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
