dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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