Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
