i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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