Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
