yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
