I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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