She said her name was "party"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
