My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
