I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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