Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
