when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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