I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
