you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
