I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
