It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
