the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
