he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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