he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this boner is exhausting
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
