I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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