is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
