What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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