When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
