He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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