I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
