remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
