fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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