Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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