i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
