New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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