Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
