i think my tv is drunk
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT