butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
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you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom