The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
