yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
