It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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