How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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