Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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