Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
