I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
