Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
