my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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