Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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