Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
