Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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