I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
