A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize