Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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