franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
