I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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