my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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