there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
