So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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