yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops