How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
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So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
