Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
