To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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