This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
