I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
