Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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