you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
