idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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