Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
