if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
