Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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