My room smells like vodka and shame
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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