How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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