Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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