he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
