this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
