And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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