Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
