i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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